Jul. 27, 2004

Alone Time

Oh My Gosh I Miss Living Alone!!!

Itís like a little tiny orgasm every time I look around the apartment and realize that not only is it empty but for me and the cat, but that it will stay that way! For at least 24 hours!

It is pathetic to get this excited about a day alone, but geez am I thrilled. Iím literally dancing through the house. I canít walk from here to there. Iím skipping and dancing and jogging. Itís ridiculous.

I have the iPod on random and up loud. I turned on all the lights. I want to light all the candles (the boy hates candles) but I fear a little bit for the cat. I may break down anyway and bring fire Fire Fire! to the house.


Itís like a weight off my chest. Itís like spinning in a twirly dress. Itís like ice cold lemonade in July.

Iím clearly done being in a relationship. This should not feel this good.

Last night I had a bout of OCD and though I had to wake up at 3:45 for work then shoot the film all day I had to rid the house of piles. They all had to go. Piles of paper- gone. Piles of magazines- found a basket. Piles of clothes, all The Boyís- put the hell away. I filed papers. I threw away receipts. I emptied boxes. I straightened sheets. I washed the car. I emptied the scantly filled sink (Iím not a total slob). The house was clean, there was no dust and the vacuuming had been done, but there were piles and it had been making me crazy since we moved in.

The blessing and curse of living in a furnished apartment is that itís none of my stuff. I look around this house and I donít have to move all of this stuff when I leave, but I look around and none of this stuff is mine or my taste.

The fish. Those are mine.

But right now, at this moment the house is empty but for me the cat and my music! My music, by the way, unedited by anyone elseís taste! Itís amazing! If I knew what being high was like, I would say itís like this!

Oh, and letís not pretend that this wasnít, in some very small way, precipitated by the invitation I extended to The Affair to come over tonightÖ

Or that the ďsexĒ we had in a bank parking lot in the front seat of his car yesterday wasnít so much sexier than anything Iíve had in my bed in so long I barely remember.

Or that his dick isnít of such a conciderably longer and thicker size and nature that I havenít paused to wonder whether or not I can accommodate it.

I have great faith in my abilities to accommodate.

Or that I donít know Spunky is disappointed in me.