Aug. 04, 2004

Passing Grade

I said I wouldn't...

But I'm in such a good mood I had to write. I had to get it out there.

I just passed my Personal Training Certification Exam. With flying colors I might add.

Now, the passing is in itself not the world's hugest news. (Though in my own defense, the NASM certification is one of the most scientific and demanding.) What is news is that I was somehow incapable of fitting this into my life before. But I just did it. In pretty much two days.

It's not that The Boy didn't give me the freedom to focus on these things for myself. I didn't give myself that freedom. And I'm begining to realize that's what I was letting choke me. Myself. I felt the need to always be available, to always be free in case he wanted my attention. And, don't get me wrong, I did it because I would have rather spent time with him than anyone else in the world. But still, I left myself behind.

All this time I've been missing me.

Why is this a revalation?

Isn't this what we always tell each other when a relationship comes to an end? I'm not breaking new ground here. But somehow these ephiphanies can only be experienced. Knowing them never really makes the difference, it's the action, the guesture that makes the knowing concrete.

I gave up something pretty amazing, but I'm realizing I gave it up for something else pretty great. Me.

Geez that sounds retarded. All I did was finally get around to taking a test, but that's me- procrastinate until I can't any longer and suddenly a weight has been lifted. How smart would I be if I could just do things on time and keep the weight off in the first place?

There's my take home lesson. Get a move on. Just do it. Stop the insanity. Quit procrastinating. Yeah, definitely not the first person to have thought of this, but somehow I have to keep relearning it.

And in the meanwhile, anyone in the LA area need a personal trainer? I know someone who could do that for you.